Thursday, April 11, 2013

Why get up in the morning?

Pondering the meaning of life, for sure.
Pondering the meaning of life, for sure. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I guess you're waiting for me to report on something that's happening, something that tells me I'm getting better or worse. Something that tells me what  I can expect and what you can expect for me. Then, I"ll be able to tell you how I am.  But I'm learning that this disease doesn't happen that way. No news is good news. Symptoms mean treatment of some sort. Since there's no news to report, I better get on with my life.

I've been doing the things I can control -- regular exercise, diet, support group, writing group, stay busy...but I've been dancing around the critical question -- why do I want to live?

Prior to hospitalization my life meaning came from work. Let me use my writing skills to bring resources to non-profit agencies. Pursue the resources that will enable them to provide strong programs for their clients.  And, volunteer time? I worked for women's issues. 

Now, I'm rethinking. What's important to me? No children or grandchildren, which is what many of my friends care most about. I'm agnostic, so the spiritual life doesn't grab me. I'm interested in lots of things, but none that are shaking me by the shoulders saying I need you, I need you.

Glenn and I love each other and talk about our life together and things we'd like to do and places we'd like to go. Oh, here's an idea. Maybe I should make it my life work to turn him into a liberal. I'd have to live forever!

So what do you think? How do I sort through this? Do you have ideas? What makes you want to get up in the morning?

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